I am thirteen years old. I just found out I am adopted. My parents never told me this and I am crushed. Should I confront them or try and find out who my real parents are? Where would I start to look? My aunt and I are very close and wondering if I should tell her I know. My parents will know that I was snooping in their private papers.

   Maybe your parents were waiting till you got older to explain about your adoption? Your parents are your parents and your biological parents for some reason thought you would have a better life by putting you up for adoption. Perhaps your biological mother was deserted herself, and had not the means to give you what she thought you deserved. It does not mean that she did not love you.

Your adoptive parents are the ones who looked after you all these years. When you were sick, and watched you go through all the stages of childhood. You might ask your aunt for advice and confidence if you are close. She could talk with you and your parents when the time comes.

Sometimes it is better not to snoop where your not supposed to. Either way as you grow older, there might be a time to look into where you came from. Just don't be upset if your birth mother has moved on with her life and never told other members of her family about you. Yet there may be no family at all. Life can take a sad turn of events. 

For now you're fortunate to have a family that wanted to love and protect you. There is no need to feel betrayed. And finding out about your roots can wait just a little longer. Trust for now, be a thirteen year old who has something good in your life.  

Auntie Jane

    I will be eighteen next month. My question is my boyfriend wants me to move in with him. He is twenty-eight and wants to see if we are compatible living together. My parents are against this and feel I am too young to make this commitment. Do you think it would work out for us?

   Sounds like your boyfriend wants to get a car and take it for a test drive before he buys it. I would say if your not sure don't move in as you have plenty of time to play house. Dating  you will find out if your compatible with each other. Ten years is a big difference at your age.

Auntie Jane

  I don’t see why at thirty you need to get your families approval on anything. Suggestions are different if you have asked for their opinions. The older generations stayed at the same job for forty or fifty years, that does not happen anymore. My advice as long as your happy that is really all that matters at this stage in your life. Could be that your family has never taken chances and that is a real shame. Sounds to me you have a bright future ahead of you.  Don't forget to put some money away for your future.

Auntie Jane

   Do you think it's alright to have sex with a guy that your just friends with?  We both enjoy the sex but know that its as far as our relationship will ever go. My girlfriends think I'm crazy and should be looking for a long time relationship. It's working for both of us at this time. Opinion please.

   If its not broke why fix it. Lots of people have friends with benefits. No strings attached. Are all your friends maybe in long term relationships and are envious of you? As long as it's working for you two go for it. Who knows? You could be doing the same thing with the same person thirty years from now.

Auntie Jane

   My Mom just found out she has cancer. I feel so sad and my little brother cries himself to sleep every night. I told my Dad and he said to leave him alone to deal with it. Should I tell my Mom so she can talk to him and explain things to him? Or would it be better for me to do it?

   This should be done as a family. Maybe your Mom and Dad needed time to deal with this. But they are the adults and now need to explain what will be going on with your Mom's treatment. You and your younger brother need their help to understand this process. There is nothing wrong with you going to him when he is crying to comfort him and reassure him that everyone is doing the best for Mom. He is obviously afraid and you all are, but cancer can be cured and your Mom needs support from all of you through these troubled times
Cancer is now beaten every day with modern medicine. Your attitude should be to anticipate that she will be okay. Good luck.

Auntie Jane

   My life is a bore and I'm only twenty-two. Any suggestions on how to get my life into second gear and have some fun and meet new people they all seem to be a drag and uninteresting?

  I really don't feel sorry for you, get out and mix, volunteer, join things, focus your interests, whatever and meet new people. You're lucky to be alive.
I just went to a memorial service for a twenty-eight year old who was full of life and loved by so many. He didn't have time to be bored as he participated in family, friends and many sports. The church was over flowing and his friends honored him with stories of their time together. All I can say is get off your butt and start helping in your community and quit feeling sorry for yourself.  

Auntie Jane

    Am I being selfish? I have been invited on a cruise with my family in the New Year. My boyfriend who I  have lived with for two years wasn't invited. He feels if they cannot invite him that I should not accept. My family has made it clear to me that they don't like him and that I could do a lot better in choosing a partner. I want to go but think he should be included in this family trip. Should I go regardless?

   Parents should not pick boyfriends. If they are paying for the trip then they can invite who they want. But are they trying to break you two up by taking you and not him?  Be up front with them and tell them your feelings. Then they have to decide if they want him along. You have to decide either you want the cruise enough to leave him at home. But do you expect him to be there when you get back?

Auntie Jane

   Does anyone actually WORK in your office? Of course males are notoriously chicken at doing serious advice, but it might be better if a guy approached him and asked if he realizes how much he talks and suggests that maybe this is a turn off for the women that he dates.
Everyone likes to be involved in a conversation so it's not a one way affair. Tell him to sit back and listen to others and hear what they have to say. He just might learn something, like LISTENING is a sure way to make points with a new girl.
Meanwhile back at the office, use a stop-watch during conversations if you have to.   

Auntie Jane

   I sure hope 2010 will be a better year for all.  I am so tired of friends who talk about the same thing every time we get together. They sometimes go back years and tell the same stories over and over again. I am thinking if they can't come up with something new in their lives, then I really am not interested in seeing them anymore. Am I right or wrong?

    Good old friends are hard to come by. Bad old friends are hard to get rid of. Maybe if you just interrupted the conversation and say oh! we have heard that one a few times and ask 'What's going on new in your life'? They might get the message. Otherwise you have to decide if they are special enough to keep in your life.   

Auntie Jane

Christmas was a bust for me. I found my husband downstairs in a bedroom with my neighbor both were naked. Her husband was sound asleep in the same bed. They blamed it on drinking too much. I had gone to bed earlier and thought they were watching television. Her husband was so drunk he doesn't remember what went on and nobody seemed to want to tell him. So now am I the one to break up their marriage? They have kids but I am so pissed with them all I want them out of my life. Am I wrong?

  What a way to start 2010. It looks like Santa was good to your husband. If your neighbor's spouse is so dense maybe he was involved with them? Either way you have to decide if you want to continue your relationship with your husband, giving him the benefit of doubt that it was the drinking. I don't believe so. I  think he has some explaining to do and needs to tell you it won't happen ever again.
Your neighbor's problems are not your concern as you don't say what happened between them. (no pun intended) You could just blow them all off and start your life anew. I believe this has to be your choice. 
I assume you won't be inviting Mrs. Claus back next year.   

Auntie Jane

   How can some people be so cheap? My sister always buys the cheapest gifts for my kids. Things that are outdated or fall apart after one washing. I always spend many hours shopping for just the right thing for her kids. I feel like coming right out and telling her how I feel about her choices. Should I ?

    You don't say what her circumstances are? Is she poor or cheap? Perhaps she is doing the best she can? Maybe that is all your sister can afford.  Why punish her children for your perception of her presents? Maybe those children appreciate your quality gifts? If you can afford to buy them nice things I say keep doing it. The spirit of GIVING is not in what you are GETTING. 
Meanwhile try setting your washer to gentle cycle.

Auntie Jane

   Are you the only one having this problem? Traditions in some families are very important. Maybe your Mother-in-Law just wants to try and keep her family together. Why can't you open your gifts under your tree then open the others under hers? Suggest to her that your kids are way too impatient and you feel cruel by making them wait on Christmas morning. As for the food, someone needs to organize so you all don't bring Brussels sprouts! (ugh)
You say ALL the holiday gatherings. But each family can start new traditions in their own homes too. And  then use your own menus for your own gatherings. Perhaps M-in-L is only waiting for someone else  take the lead? Regardless, a few sympathetic words from her wimpy son should be able to keep it all even and fun.  And it should be fun amid the pandemonium of six families and excited kids. Merry Christmas, Ho Ho Ho. 

Auntie Jane

   I am fourteen years old and have been going steady for six months. My boyfriend has told me if we don't have sex he will break up with me. I am just not ready to have sex yet. But some other girls do. I don't want to lose him. Should I give in to him?

    Give in to him? You asked that question and you already KNEW what my answer would be. Therefore, you already believe what you should do, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. It's your body and nobody has a right to pressure you into having sex. Your boyfriend sounds immature. You be the one to break up with him. There are lots of guys around who don't feel the need to show they are sexually active. At fourteen you needn't experiment with sex. Not to mention you are way too young to even go steady. Just enjoy boys as friends and it doesn't matter what your girlfriends are doing. When you meet the right guy in the future you will know when to choose to have sex. Be proud of your individuality and control of your own actions.  

Auntie Jane

   My boyfriend just broke up with me, he says he wants to see other girls. I had already made plans to buy him a Christmas present that involved us going away for a week-end for New Years. Should I still go ahead with my plans anyways and hope the holiday will bring him back to me exclusively?

 I I would not buy him a holiday with the situation as it is. Buy him a token gift as a going away present. Then  tell him you're the one going away, dump his wandering ass and go on a sunny holiday yourself in 2010. Somewhere with 20 tanned boy bodies all rated 10 and Sex-on-the-Beach at the bar.  Leave him wondering. Happy New Year!

Auntie Jane

    My sister is gay and will not come out of the closet to our relatives. Our family is large and we are having a big family gathering at Christmas this year. She wants to stay home with her partner as she won't leave her alone. I say she brings her along and then everyone will connect the dots.  My parents say this is fine with them as they love them both whoever they choose to be. I think its because of our old grandparents that wouldn't understand. Any advice?

    The old grandparents probably won't even notice if its a large family gathering with kids running around. And if they do they probably wouldn't say anything anyway because they will be so happy surrounded with their family. If your parents have accepted this relationship good for them. Your sister and her partner should join into the family festivities. And you might be surprised at how enlightened grandparents can be.  Quit worrying about it and make sure everyone has fun. 

Auntie Jane

    I met this guy at a party two weeks ago. He asked for my phone number and said he would call me so we could meet for a coffee. He did not call so I got his number from a friend. I have called him twice and left  messages and he has not returned my calls. Should I keep trying and hope he answers so I can talk to him?

   Helloooo! If he wants to talk he would have called you first or returned your calls. At this stage he is probably thinking, stalker. Don't call him again. He could be out of town but I'm thinking he is not interested in furthering this one time meet. Next time get the guy's number and don't give out your own, that will expose him right there, if he doesn't want to give it to you. Move on.

Auntie Jane

   With just a short month away Christmas is becoming very stressful for me. What to buy, how much to spend and who to buy for. As I grow older the fun is going out of the holiday season for me. My kids are grown up and they still expect me to be Santa Claus, cook and supply the entertainment every year. How can I hand over the job to the younger generation without sounding like Scrooge? 

   In my opinion it's retirement for you in many ways. Pass the torch and suggest this year you put all names in a hat and everyone draws a name, excluding children. Then who ever has the biggest house (excluding yours) gets to put on the dinner with everyone to bring a dish or two. Select two people to prepare the entertainment music or games. They get to avoid clean up duty. The children should help with decorations and passing out the adult's gifts. You should just sit and enjoy the day without ANY work. 

Auntie Jane

   My girlfriend  left her husband  three months ago.  Now she is drinking daily and having one night stands with total strangers she picks up in bars.  She now thinks of herself as a cougar as many of the guys are much younger than her. I am afraid for her, but she won't listen to reason. Any suggestions?

 Leslie

   She sounds like she is a very unhappy girl. All you can really do is keep telling her about all the situations she is putting herself in. Not only the chance of diseases from different partners but she could end up dead in some deserted place not knowing who she picked up, a rapist or killer. Her drinking can cloud her brain as she might not even see the dangers when intoxicated. She is playing Russian roulette with her life. Try to get a couple of her girlfriends to have lunch together.  Tell them your fears about her before you go and let the subject appear naturally during the lunch, so they can express their worries without it seeming like an intervention. She might be lamenting her marriage break-up and those reasons, whatever they were, you could discuss that with her yourself.

Auntie Jane

   My husband just found out he will be transferred in the new year. Our children are upset and don't want to leave their friends. They are nine and twelve and refuse to even listen to us about this move. My husband will make more money and be in charge of his division, it will make our lives much easier financially. Should he decline this offer and stay put?

    Only one question; who runs your household? Children adjust and they have to be told you and your husband are looking to their future too. Kids that age will come around eventually, until then you and your husband should try and make the move as exciting as possible for them. Maybe a present that the whole family can get involved in after the move until they make new friends in your new area. Make sure you support emotionally them until they do.

Auntie Jane

   I have been married for four years and love my husband. Problem is I also love my best friend and we have been having a lesbian relationship for two years.  I believe my husband suspects something as he keeps asking me  why I spend so much time with her. Now she wants me to go on a holiday with her to just get away by ourselves for a week. I am afraid if I tell him this he will go ballistic and then put two and two together. We both want children, we have good jobs so money is not a problem if I decide to go on this holiday. Should I take the chance and have a week of not having to sneak around?

PJ

    Are you willing to lose your husband over this holiday and relationship? Because that is what might happen. I think you have to be honest with yourself and find out if you are a lesbian or straight or a bisexual. You say you and your husband want kids, but you should not bring kids into this world before you dig deep and find out who you are and what you want in life. My suggestion would be to not see your friend and work on your marriage first. If you find out you miss her and are unhappy without her then it's time to be truthful to your husband.  Although in today's  marriages and relationships, going on a weeks holiday with a girlfriend is not a subject for divorce.

Auntie Jane

    I just found out my husband has been seeing this women from work for over a year. I told him to pack his bags and leave. Now our kids are crying every night and the teacher called to say they are both not paying attention to their school work. He has moved into his folks basement and tells me he broke off the affair. He says he loves me more than anything in this world and wants to come home. I am so hurt I can't even think straight. My heart says I should give him another chance at our marriage for the kids' sake. But I lay awake every night and all I can visualize is him having sex with this women. My sister said she knew about the affair but didn't want to hurt me by telling me. I feel betrayed by both of them. I just don't know what to do any input that would help?

   You never said whether you still  love your husband and are willing to put this behind you both and try to work out why he started this affair. Does he work long hours and sees more of his co-workers than his family? Not saying that is an excuse for him. Was your sex life getting dull and you both lost the spontaneity of your relationship? If you cannot forgive him then you both have to move on. Your children will adjust if you explain to them that you and their Dad love them and this has nothing to do with them.

Only you can decide if the marriage is worth saving. Maybe talk to your doctor or counsellor about your situation. As for your sister tell her that you have lost her trust and it will take time for her to earn your trust again. Although she was probably trying to protect you and your marriage. Ask yourself if you had been in her situation would you have told her? Meanwhile don't dwell on your thoughts of another woman, try to move forward. Note -  I didn't say move ON, just move forward.

Time can heal most things so you don't need to act quickly except to pay attention to your children.

Auntie Jane